cale livingston

Finishing This Chapter

My stay in Hawaii has hit that paradoxical point between “too long” and “not long enough.”

There are so many different things I still want to experience before my time here ends. It’s hard to keep my roots from growing deep wherever I may be. But at the same time, I find myself scared of getting too attached since I know it comes with an expiration date.

All this has inadvertently answered one of those bizarre life questions: “If you could know the exact day you’re going to die, would you want to?” For me, the answer is an emphatic “No!” Knowing the ending ruins the entire plot. Suddenly I find myself living in fear of the looming finish line instead of enjoying the moments along the way. I think that’s why, at this point in my life, I want something a little more long term and enduring. Anything under three months is just a teaser trailer. I’m ready for a full featured film! (wow, lately I find myself consistently relying on movie analogies).

So if I could stay in Hawaii for a more substantial amount of time that would be awesome. But on the same token, I’m really looking forward to this upcoming YWAM trip. Six months is a considerable amount of time to spend with an entirely new set of people and experiences. I’m anticipating the day I get to take photographs in a foreign country as a form of service to the global Church. What an awesome opportunity to use a medium I enjoy to raise awareness of so many conditions, especially when they all center around the human condition. In a certain sense, I feel like I have the change to redeem photography for the Church. From my perspective the Church hasn’t been very good at assimilating new types of media  into its arsenal of tools. Which is made all the more tragic since the Church is centered around telling stories, both of the community of believers and of Jesus.

I think one of the key things God is trying to teach me right now is how to be most effective whatever my current given location or situation. In hindsight, being here in Hawaii has given me the chance to teach and equip the local church with tools for productivity and communication. At the same time I’ve had a chance to decompress from my four year internship with Mountain View. It’s been a great time to glean all the useful bits of knowledge from that experience and consolidate them mentally as well as strategically for further dissemination. This wasn’t something I was able to do until I had a chance to step away from MV altogether.

One of the other things I’ve learned recently is that I value spending my down time with people, especially at home. I guess I had taken it for granted at home and it never transferred over here with me. People seem to be too busy to just chill with each other at home and, unfortunately, I don’t have a vehicle so I can’t go where the people are (no Little Mermaid reference intended).

It’s been raining recently and I love watching it out my big windows. I truly must be emo because there’s nothing more exciting for me than dreary overcast and the sound of little rain drops splashing to the ground. It’s almost medicinal. The only thing missing is a bamboo forest!

Lastly, it’s amazing to me how little I need, materialistically speaking, to be happy. I have a futon, desk, computer, camera and phone. The only other thing I worry about is food and transportation. Suddenly my life feels entirely too simple but I’m completely fine with that. I have a feeling that one day, whenever I move into my own place, it’ll be very empty.

Speaking of having all I need, God has really been convincing me of the fact that He is faithful to provide for me in every area of my life. It’s definitely calmed my fears about raising money for YWAM.