cale livingston

Here, the Sun Sets in the North

21 Oct 2009

It’s strange how much your orientation in life shapes the direction of your journey.

You can commit yourself to traveling a certain path for many miles and if you find you’re off by even a few degrees it might make all the difference in the world. This distorted sense of orientation also complicates your ability to read maps or road markers properly. Everything becomes subjective to the direction you’re currently facing. Eventually nothing begins to make much sense and there’s these feelings of helplessness and frustration.

But how do we re-orientate ourselves in life?
How do we reset our bearings back to truth north so that we can find our way again?

I’ve been musing on the implications of these questions during my last week here in South Africa, and specifically in Capricorn. You see, every time I walk home from Capricorn I “head north, straight towards the setting sun.” I guess that doesn’t make much sense though since the sun is supposed to set somewhere off to the west. But try telling my gut, my intuition that! Somewhere after the transition from Panama to South Africa my brain never successfully figured out which direction truth north was and so I’ve been living, falsely, under the assumption that north is indeed in this certain direction. So every time I attempt to use a map I’m faced with the reality of my error. How do I find resolution for this internal, almost unconscious, struggle?

And to place it in a broader context, this entire generation is lost in a sea of subjective, relative norths. I think if you let enough people wander around long enough, eventually some of them might stop to ask for directions. Everyone’s searching for the right direction, whether they admit it or not. It might not always be what they wanted, but it’s always what they need.

This same illustration serves as an analogy to our battle with our own flesh and sinful nature. While we humans are wandering around, convinced of our own individual norths, God is calling us to walk in the one true direction, his truth that leads to righteousness. Even the very idea that there’s this invisible magnetic field on Earth that guides animals, or us via a compass, seems dumbfounding to me. And yet, the same is true of God. I believe it’s only when we submit our lives and desires under the control of his will that we truly begin to go anywhere in life. Everything apart from him is mindless wandering, groping, searching. We lack true orientation.

So the next time you see the sun setting in the north ask yourself the question, “What’s wrong with this picture and, more importantly, how do I correct it?”

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Burning Up On Re-entry?

In: Casual| YWAM

17 Oct 2009

I hope the parachutes deploy!

Hopefully you’ve caught the metaphor by now. Presently, my life feels comparable to a space shuttle orbiting around in space, preparing to come back down to Earth.

I’ve been thinking about what “coming home” actually entails and at this point I’ve come to the conclusion it’s going to take a whole lot of work! There’s still a ton of things I need to process, both on my own and with the counsel of friends and family. YWAM has a way of drudging up all the crap you thought you’d forgotten or gotten away with and brings it into the light for healing and growth. Recently, growth seems synonymous with stretching and painful. Maybe that’s why the Bible talks about iron sharpening iron? Some sparks gotta fly!

So in preparation of my return I’ve already begun work on my re-integration schedule. I’m looking to ease in to things slowly but surely and with a focus on sustainability. I’ve already learned the hard way that there are plenty of things to do in life but not all of them are beneficial. It’s time to live more intentionally with my efforts and giftings.

And now for something completely random…

Trivial things I’ve missed most:
●   a fast, reliable, available internet connections
●   a decent bed
(doesn’t have to be expensive, just anything better than a $30 mattress)
●   the smell of Bounce fabric sheets on my clean clothes
●   a phone to: call, text, check the time, etc.
●   the combination of a desk and chair at the same time
(possibly the most elusive combo known to man)
●    along the same lines, a living room or dining room would also be great
●   school classes (this nerd loves to learn!)
●   being able to drive places (yeah, I know I hate driving… but still)

Clarification: one thing you’ll notice is that Mexican food is nowhere to be found on this list, and for good reason, it is NOT trivial!

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“Buy ah Donkey”

In: Faith| Personal| YWAM

3 Oct 2009

No joke, that’s exactly how “thank you” sounds in Afrikaans!

Before today my only exposure to someone using this Afrikaans phrase was typically during Bible Study prayers to God. I guess, now that I think about it, we don’t really say “thank you” that much in America anymore (or maybe I’m just not very thankful?!).

But today was different because God wanted to teach me something about being thankful.

I was about to enter this great checkout line at Pick-n-Pay, a local grocery store, but I freaked out because for some reason I randomly thought the clerk wouldn’t be able to speak or understand English. So I got out of what was the shortest-checkout-line-ever and then walked around for a little while until I found another suitable line. During that brief “walking around” period I realized that there’s really not even any dialog that has to take place between myself and the cashier so it would actually be reasonably safe to enter any line at this point.

(I suddenly feel like this is a confession of insanity blog…)

I ended up in a checkout behind a rather short elderly woman with a regular sized cart. She was slowly but steadily unloading her things from the tallest and closest within reach to the smaller, lower lying items on the bottom of the cart. I noticed that she was already struggling with the medium height items so I decided ahead of time to intervene and help her with the last few products that I knew she wouldn’t be able to easily reach. As I reached my hand into her cart for the remaining products her first reaction was mild confusion but once I handed them to her I think she realized I was just trying to help her out a bit. She promptly said, “Buy ah Donkey” (Obviously that’s not how it’s correctly spelled in Afrikaans but I’m just going with English phonetics until I figure out the right way to spell it). I just smiled and nodded to her since I had no idea how to reply in Afrikaans.

So that’s all it was. I didn’t go out of my way to perform any amazing, self-sacrificing feat. I’m no hero. I just helped grabs some stuff out of a cart for a lady.

As the elderly woman proceeded to check out she had a small conversation with the cashier in Afrikaans. Once she had paid the final total she turned to me again and (this time in English) said, “Thank you very much young man ,” and I replied with a simple “You’re welcome.” After the woman walked away, the cashier began to total up my groceries. But then she said something that caught me off guard, “You know, that sort of thing never happens around here anymore. That lady won’t be able to sleep tonight. What you did is going to keep her up the whole time.”

Wow! Was what I had done really that spectacular?

As I walked towards the doors my eyes began to well up with tears.

Was what I had done really that spectacular? I could think of a million more substantial acts of service than that one. It was literally nothing. And yet, to receive such a disproportionate response…

God, I don’t understand this world I live in! I can’t believe there’s so little hope that my simple act of service brought startling joy to an old woman. How sad has this world become? Is this what you’re talking about when you said to “be a light in the darkness”? Thank you for using me, in even the most mundane of ways, to bring glory to your name. I’m amazed how you can turn my simple obedience into a great testimony of your redemption. May the name of Jesus be lifted high here on earth!

I walked away from the store tonight in prayer.

May that woman know the source of all joy and life, Jesus Christ. God, thank you for opening my eyes to see how my life reflects back to you. Any change, any transformation people see in my life is because of the working power of Christ. The forgiveness I give comes from the fact that I’ve been forgiven much by the Father. And the joy that I share flows out of the abundance that I receive in Jesus.

I really had no idea what it meant to live a life so serious and aware of the fact that I reflect the one I serve, or that the impact could be so substantial. And God impressed on my heart that if I’m faithful and obedient with the small things then he can trust me with larger things. I can’t imagine what would happen if all Christians lived daily aware of the impact their actions can have on others. I’ll never know, this side of heaven, the impact I’ve had on peoples’ lives but I feel that God chose to reveal just a glimpse of what that might look like to me today.

So be encouraged! Your life, a living sacrifice, burns as a testimony to unending love and power of Jesus Christ. Don’t just settle for ordinary. Ask God for boldness to step out in faith and proclaim his name. The next time I encounter someone I pray that I’ll have the yearning to go beyond just a simple deed and actually tell them about this source of living water I’ve found in Christ.

(Written on September 30, 2009)

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Tags: evangelism, obedience, prayer, South Africa, Testimony, YWAM

TIY, TIA & MSG

In: YWAM

28 Sep 2009

I kinda feel like I shouldn’t tell anyone what these seemingly random assortment of acronyms mean just to see if anyone can figure it out. But if I did that then no one would have a clue what I’m talking about for the rest of this blog.

So here it goes:

TIY = This Is YWAM

This little saying cropped up right around Debrief since it so accurately encompassed all of our thoughts and frustrations. It’s not necessarily a dismissive excuse for the way things are, like “Boys will be boys,” but rather a general acceptance of the current state of affairs with an ever-so-faint hope that things might actually change.

Ok, before you start assuming the worst I’ll just tell you that our DTS Debrief definitely wasn’t the best it could have been. There were a lot of issues carrying over from Panama concerning the areas of leadership, communication and the overall spiritual health and well-being of our teams.

I confess, I wasn’t in the most joyful of moods when we arrived in South Africa for a YWAM Conference before our debrief. It’s not that I wasn’t excited about meeting new people or even hearing from all the top YWAM leaders but logistically it was just super hard to try and absorb even more information or to fully engage in a completely different culture than we had previously experienced in Panama. Not to mention the jet lag from crossing the Atlantic!

So instead of finally having a chance to debrief/detox from some of the stuff we were dealing with in Panama, everything was pushed to the back burner where it just simmered, bitterly, for a good week or so. And even when we finally made it to the separate location for Debrief there still wasn’t the proper amount of time to address all of our issues. Well, I should state that I had more time than most during my one-on-one but I think that’s because I had written out all my points in a solid, presentable document. (Special thanks to unordered lists!)

It’s still taken quite a bit of time since then to truly process all the things I’ve learned and experienced. But the biggest take-away that I only just realized a day or two ago was this:

You’re the only one responsible for your spiritual growth, regardless of circumstances.

Again, sometimes I miss the most obvious truths…

What I’ve learned is that even though you might be attending a church, involved in some group or even on a missions trip, you’ve still got to make sure you’re feeding yourself. Ultimately, no one else is going to do it for you. It’s sort of like being potty trained; eventually you have to learn how to take care of it on your own since mommy isn’t always going to be there for the rest of your life (no matter how much I’d like that, lol).

Most recently this has been illustrated in my over-reliance on my leaders to provide for all of my spiritual needs. As if my entire spiritual development is contingent on whether or not I have good leaders looking out for me.

With that said, I’ve been having some great quiet times lately and really enjoyed the small group I attended the other day. It’s actually amazing how visibly God is moving in the poor communities here in South Africa. I’m specifically looking to get involved with the local township of Capricorn which is just a 30 minute walk away from the Track House, where I’m staying.

By the way, I might even be on Google Earth standing right outside the house since I saw the Google Earth Car drive past me the other day! (You have no idea how excited my inner nerd was when I realized I might be forever immortalized online in Google Maps Street View, lol).

TIA = This Is Africa

Just when you think you’re about to have a productive day you realize everything shuts down here at anywhere from 2:00pm to 6:00pm.

I wanted to buy some milk, but… the store was closed.
I wanted to use the internet cafe, but… the shop was closed.
I wanted to take the train home, but… the station was shut down.
I wanted to charge my netbook, but… the electricity ran out.
I wanted to take a warm shower, but… there’s only enough for three people.
Etc.

I wonder how much I would have suffered in Panama if we weren’t able to steal internet from the Smithsonian next door?!

But on the plus side, real produce is cheaper than processed food by a wide margin.

Fish & Chips is only $4!

And lastly:

MSG = Monosodium Glutamate

All that means is every single flavor and spice over here is ridiculously savory. I’ve never, ever been addicted to potato chips until I came here. And the have the most bizarre flavors!

BBQ Chutney
Flame Grilled Steak
Smoked Spare Ribs
Caribbean Salt & Balsamic Vinegar
Spicy Tomato & Onion
Tomato Sauce
Sweet Chilli
Mexican Chilli

Had I been able to use the internet today I would have liked to send out another newsletter talking about the different ministry opportunities I’ll be involved with before I leave. I could easily see my heart fall for the people of Capricorn. Even though I only have four weeks left I plan on spending them several times a week over there!

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Tags: Capricorn, MSG, South Africa, TIA, TIY, YWAM

Continental Shift

In: Casual| YWAM

12 Sep 2009

Sometimes a blog can be nothing more than a collection of observations. This is one of those times.

The context for the title, Continental Shift, is about me processing the changes in environment and culture between Panama and South Africa. I feel like I need a reset before I jump into an entirely different culture. It almost seems like a disservice to my time in Panama since it’ll become eclipsed by my most recent experiences here in South Africa. So what follows are some complaints, funny observations and a few serious points.

Funny things about South Africa:

Add South Africa to the list of countries who drive on the left (read: wrong) side of the road. It suddenly makes boarding a bus or loading a car a huge chore. And I don’t even want to talk getting on the freeway!
The electrical outlets are ridiculously huge and don’t actually charge anything. Seriously, it’s like going from Legos to Duplos. Not to mention it took my phone three different attempts to finally charge. I feel like I’m living out the Brian Regan sketch where he says, “It’s fun to fly!” except mine would be, “I like to plug in things. This is fun! The square goes in the square hole…”
The beef is always jerky, by default. I suggest small bits and careful chewing.
There’s separate faucets for hot and cold water. The only reason I can possibly imagine for this is that some people don’t actual have hot water (oh, kinda like Panama!). Regardless, the best method I’ve developed to combat first degree burns involves cupping a full hand of cold water and then adding in some hot until it reaches the desired temperature. Genius, I know.
The internet is sold by the megabyte here. For example, I bought 100MBs of internet for 30Rand (about $4US). I think it’ll last me about three or four days. So far, so good! Oh, and no companies actually sell monthly contracts, it’s all per use. Although, some sell for hour increments as well. (Those are the places you go to upload photos and watch YouTube!)
My life is still punctuated by important educational moments in the realm of common sense/life experience. This month’s lesson: a spa is not a hotel at all! For one, everything’s single story. We’re staying in a rondawel (read: bungalow) which feels more like a studio apartment for three people.
But at least it came fully stocked with food, right?
For one week of breakfast they gave us three guys:
2 bags of bread, 6 eggs, a bag of shredded cheese, some bacon, milk and a box of corn flakes.
But the best part was their recommended week plan: bread with cheese, bread with egg, bread with bacon, etc.
At least they have some hot water spring swimming pools. I melted in one of those for three hours the other day. That was a nice change of pace!
The weather is now beautiful but it was ridiculously cold before. I’m finally getting some use out of the inside of my sleeping bag as opposed to the outside that I used in Panama.
Not having a consistent internet connection causes me to stop and look back at a lot of my offline/draft emails and realize how much I complain about something that ends up improving shortly thereafter.

the weather changed
I eventually got internet
the food is actually pretty good
the seminars ended up being great
the worship is meaningful
the night gatherings at this conferences are better than the mornings
I missed out (read: skipped out) on an afternoon evangelism outreach to the local town and missed out on God working in a teammate’’s life and also an awesome miracle of a foot growing back.

But despite all that, God still uses me and gives rest where I’m at.
I’ve more clearly learned that “in all things, I can praise the Lord.”
I’ve been told several times that I’ve lost some weight. That’d be encouraging if I actually noticed it too though.
Switching from the hot/humid summers of Panama to the cold/dry winter weather of South Africa has caused my lips and heels to crack. I suddenly miss humidity!
I was under the false assumption that I’d have more alone time in South Africa after living in the sanctuary of a church for almost three months in Panama. I guess I’ll have to wait until I’m done with my time in YWAM before I experience some great alone time again.